joy comes with the morning.

Well, I’m back. Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about how life was taking off for me. Orientation (which was amazing) came and went, and so did my week as a camp counselor (expect a full post about my experiences there soon). But only two days after getting back from camp, life came to a sudden halt, which is why I’ve been absent from my blog longer than planned.

Sorry if this all seems a bit rambling, but it’s hard to collect my thoughts about what happened recently. I never wanted to have to share this, but last Sunday, July 23rd, my precious Grandma Dora passed away.

my grandma and I.

Her passing was both expected yet out of nowhere for me. Over the past few years, my grandma’s health had been declining, and over the last few months she took a turn for the worse. While I was at camp, she went into hospice. Everyone thought she’d have a few more weeks at least; my family was even going to try to plan a quick trip home to Kansas to visit her.

Although I knew my grandma would be eventually in hospice, I wasn’t aware she had gone in while I was at camp, so when I came home from work last Sunday and my dad told me through his tears that my grandma was gone, it was a complete shock. My heart was crushed, and it still is. Even after attending her funeral, it still doesn’t seem quite real. My mind can’t really grasp the fact that I’ll never hug her again, never get birthday and Christmas cards in the mail, never get to call her and catch her up on my life at college.

My grandma was one of the most important people in my life, so it feels almost impossible to explain what she meant to me. But if I had to describe my grandma in one word, it would simply be love. Unconditional, unrelenting, and unending love. Even in my earliest memories my grandma was always there, pouring love into me and all who walked into her house and into her heart. That unconditional love soaked into me all throughout my childhood, and continued to even when I moved 1,000 miles away. And although she is no longer with me in body, I know her love for me and my love for her will never die and always live in my heart.

This past week, coming to terms with this loss and going home to Kansas with my dad to bid her our final farewells was really, really hard. But I know healing will come, and that ultimately my sadness can give way to joy and peace, because I have a hope. 

The hope of heaven. The hope that even though I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my grandma on this earth, it doesn’t have to be my final goodbye. Because Jesus is real, and so was my grandma’s forgiveness from our Savior. And right now she is no longer trapped in her failing and suffering earthly body, but is instead in Jesus’ presence, free from pain and free to rejoice. And because of Jesus I am also free to rejoice and not be sad.

Because I have hope that someday I also will be in Jesus’ presence – and see my sweet grandma again.

I’ll leave you all for now with part of a passage that I read at my grandma’s funeral, a passage that has brought me much comfort in this time of hurt and heartache, and I hope will be encouraging to you as well.

“Sing praises to the Lord, O you His saints, and give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” ~ Psalm 30:4-5

You are loved,

Maguire

the (sort of) calm before the storm

Hey everyone! I can’t believe it’s already been a week since I last posted! I was hoping to be consistently posting every few days right off the bat . . . but life happens, and this week life happened pretty much out of nowhere. On top of work, I’ve been prepping for a couple of big things that are about to go down in the next week. But in the midst of the chaos, I decided to sit down and take a quick break to update you all on what’s happening in my life, despite the fact I have laundry to fold, a suitcase to pack, and my room literally looks like a tornado hit it. Hence the title.

So, here’s a (hopefully) quick update on a couple of BLT’s (that’s Big Life Things) that this week holds for me.

BLT 1. College orientation!! 

It’s hard to believe, but tomorrow I have college orientation! When I signed up for orientation back in April in the throes of senioritis, I was sure time was absolutely going to drag before this day came. Yet this summer has flown by so far, and suddenly the day I’ve been anticipating for years is tomorrow. Woah.

While that realization of holy crap I‘m actually going to college has been slowly dawning on me the last couple of months. orientation is going to make it actually real that my dream of going to university is going to be a reality in less than a month. I know it’s going to amp up my excitement for school by 1000% – but also my nerves. I’m kinda scared for tomorrow, but I also can’t wait, especially since I get to meet two of my suitemates while I’m there! I have a feeling it’s going to be an overwhelming day, but I also am sure that tomorrow will the start of the craziest and most amazing adventure.

And as if that wasn’t enough to be freaking out about for one week . . .

BLT 2. I’m going to be a camp counselor!!

Okay, I’ll admit, while I’ve been anticipating orientation for months, this second BLT kinda snuck up on me *insert that sheepish face emoji* I will be leaving Sunday for Royal Family Kids Camp, an awesome organization that puts on summer camps for children ages 6 to 11 from the foster system. I’m going to be a camp “cousin,” which means I will be paired up with two little girls and be their constant companion for the week.

Sounds simple enough, right? I thought so, at least. But my whole perspective changed when I attended a training session for the camp last Saturday. There it truly dawned on me what a crucial role I will be playing in these kids lives next week. These kids have been removed from abusive homes and have bounced around the foster system. Many of them have been abused, both physically and emotionally, and have never experienced a permanent home, the love of a parent, or a normal childhood. They are hurt, angry, and don’t know who to trust, if anyone loves them, or even if they have any worth.

Pretty heavy, sobering stuff, I know. That is why this week at camp can be a turning point for so many of these precious kids. During this week at camp, these kids will be given the opportunity for perhaps the first time in their little lives to just simply be a kid. They will get to play in a lake, make s’mores, going canoeing and ziplining, and even have a big birthday bash. But more importantly, for this entire week these kids are going to be shown constant, unfailing, and unconditional love by the counselors, and through that love hopefully come to the realization that they are loved by God.

I learned all this during training, and I left feeling wayyy in over my head. It hadn’t occurred to me how broken and loveless those campers could be, nor what an important role I was being entrusted with to pour love and encouragement into these little souls. I was terrified, and I still am. This role is going to be far outside so many of my comfort zones, and I don’t feel ready in the slightest to jump outside of my safe little bubbles.

But what I have to remind myself is that it’s not about me. It’s about them.

Who cares if I get no sleep, or can’t do my hair in the morning, or have to go up into the mountains right in the middle of the Arizona monsoon season, or have to bite my tongue and constantly show nothing but love to these kids even they swear at me or lie to me or tell me they don’t like me? Because this week won’t be about me and my comfort zones and making sure I feel safe and secure. It’s going to be all about these kids, and making sure they have the time of their lives feeling loved both by me and Christ. And if I lean on God’s strength and rely on Him to help me put these girls before myself, I know He will give the the courage and power to leap out of those comfort zones without even batting an eye.

So, this post is me also signing out for the next week. Once I’m home, I will be sure to write a post (okay maybe two or three) all about my experiences at camp. In the mean time, I desperately need all the prayers I can get. Pray that I will rely on God alone and not myself this week for strength and guidance, and that the kids at this camp will be able to freely enjoy themselves and experience both the love of the counselors and God.

Thank you for reading this (much longer than anticipated :P) life update! Please subscribe if you’d like to be updated on my RFKC adventures, and leave a comment if you have some encouragement for me for this upcoming week.

You are loved!

Maguire

p.s. if you’re interested in Royal Family Kids Camp and you’d like to learn more, click here.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

the fourth, freedom, and faith.

Happy Fourth of July fellow ‘Muricans! The 4th has always been a favorite holiday of mine, and what’s not to love? Grilling out, parties, fireworks, and of course getting to show an overabundance of pride for the stars and stripes.

But while I’ve always loved celebrating my country on this midsummer day, I’ve never really stopped to think about the significance of what today stands for. It’s right there in the official name for the holiday: Independence. Freedom. *eagle caws in the distance*

In all seriousness, freedom is incredibly important to me, yet is something I hardly ever stop to celebrate and truly be thankful for. I am so blessed to live in a country that grants me the freedom to express myself and worship God without fear. The simple abilities to go to church every Sunday and speak out about what I believe are such ordinary, everyday things, yet across the world there are people losing their lives to have those “simple” freedoms.

So before you start grilling hot dogs and lighting up sparklers, let me encourage you to take a minute and really reflect on what freedom means to you. To me, it means two things:

• Freedom in my country
• Freedom in Christ

Not only do I have access to freedom of speech and worship by living in America, but I also have a much more important freedom in Christ. Through His sacrifice, He has freed me from my enslavement to sin, and I am now free to love and serve Him with my whole heart. And because I am so blessed to live in this great country, I am able to freely worship God for setting me free and to share my faith in Him with others.

To me, that’s definitely worth donning some red, white, and blue and setting off some fireworks to celebrate.

Once again, happy 4th, and you are loved!

Maguire

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” ~ John 8:36

so . . . I guess I’m a blogger now!?

Hello lovely readers, and welcome to My Wandering Heart! (aka thoughtsfrommywanderingheart.wordpress.com which is super long but the domain I wanted was already taken soooo that was that) I can’t believe I’m actually typing out my first ever blog post!

For what feels like forever now I’ve been playing around with the idea of creating my own blog, but excuses kept popping up: I’m too busy with homework, I have no clue what I should name my blog, why would anyone in their right mind want to read my word vomits, I have no clue what I should name my blog, maybe I’ll get around to it after I finish The Office, I have no clue what I should name my blog (coming up with a name for my blog was so daunting to me that it actually kept me up a few nights) etc, etc, etc. There were so many excuses that kept me from clicking that dreaded “Get Started” button on WordPress.com, but after a lot of prayer, brainstorming, and texting countless lists of potential blog names to my best friend, I’m finally here.

But why have I had this burning desire to start a blog? Well, at the beginning of high school, I discovered how much fun creative writing could be. One day I sat down to write a book, and not only did I enjoy writing it, but I also found I wasn’t all that bad at writing either. I did manage to finish writing my first novel – but the key word there is manage. Completing my book was a struggle, and there were many times when I felt overwhelmingly bored, frustrated, and ready to quit writing. I’m very proud of myself for finishing, but the experience did make me realize that even though I’m good at writing and can enjoy it, writing books for a living would never be for me. Books were too long, too complicated, and made me feel overwhelming pressure to the point where I couldn’t even enjoy writing anymore.

Discovering that I wasn’t quite cut out to be the next J.K. Rowling, J.R.R. Tolkien, or any other author with initials for a first name was pretty discouraging. God had greatly gifted me with my writing talent, yet I had basically given up on the best outlet for me to use that gift. Unrest grew in my heart, and I constantly worried and felt mad at myself for wasting such a great gift.

But then . . . (dun dun DUN) . . .

I discovered blogging! *air horns blare* *confetti flies*

I’m not sure how, when, or where it happened, but somehow I found out that blogging wasn’t just a thing that soccer moms and photographers could do, but it could be a platform for anyone to share their thoughts, stories, and experiences with the world. Slowly but surely, God began tugging at my heart, and soon a day could hardly pass without me mentally planning out a post or imaging what my site might look like.

Fast forward to now, and here I am, writing that post I’ve thought about for so long. Although actually starting a blog is incredibly intimidating, and I have plenty of doubts and worries about it, I feel confident that God will use this blog in some pretty cool ways. It was Him who blessed me with the gift of writing, and I am so grateful He led me to find such a unique outlet to both express myself and bring Him glory through doing something I love: tapping away at a keyboard. I know that blogging will have its own set of struggles and frustrations, but with God’s grace, the proofread button, and a whole lot of Coca-cola, I’m ready to take this new adventure on.

Please subscribe if you want to ride along on this blogging roller coaster with me, and leave a comment introducing yourself, dropping me some encouragement (which I really need cause I have no idea what I’m doing lulz), or pointing out my typos if you’re that type of person (grammar Nazis REPRESENT).

You are loved!

Maguire

“I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” ~ Psalm 9:1